Sometimes I love my homework.

In our book we had a letter that, when translated, went something like this:

"Dominique,

The letter you wrote and slid under my door last night was very nice, but I remain firm in my decision to end our relationship. I am sad that our relationship has ended. I am not happy, and I have had enough of unhappiness. The moments we spent together are unforgettable, moments of joy, happiness, and sorrow also. I will never forget them, and I think that you won't either. But we are too different. Our cultures, our fashions of life separate us. And I am not ready for life as a couple.
I prefer to live alone and keep my independence for the moment. Congratulations on your Masters in Fine Arts! I am happy for you, and I wish you good luck with your studies in Rome.
Dominique, please, stop writing to me. It is better for both of us. We are not sweethearts. Turn the page.

Nathalie"

To this delightful note we were told to write a reply from Dominique (despite Nathalie's request). Thanks to our previous lessons, we know that Nathalie is a French lass and Dominique is a Canadian. Hence the difference in cultures. As soon as I was assigned this project, I started snickering. My teacher asked me what was so funny. I told her there is no way she could understand what was going on in my head. And so came into being the following letter. I have taken some liberties in translating my own French. It's obviously much funnier in English because in English I can use nuance.

Je suis vraiment désolé que tu préfères vivre seule, surtout parce que tu étais si enthousiaste pour l'amour avant que je te rencontré. I'm sorry that you are wanting to live single now, especially considering how excited you were about dating before we met. Je comprends qu' après tout ce que j'ai fait pour toi, c'est difficile de supporter les autres hommes. I realize that after all I have done for you and meant to you, it is hard for you to tolerate the company of ordinary men. Ne t'inquiète pas, avec le temps peut-être tu vas m'oublier et ton coeur va glisse dans l'amour. Don't allow yourself to worry too much, with time perhaps your heart will forget me and be able to slide into love with someone.

Tu as laissé entendre que tu as senti une petite douleur. You hinted at some slight discomfort. Je présume que tu penses encore à l'incident avec le "ketchup-fried-mooseburger." I presume that you are still thinking about the incident with the Ketchup-Fried-Mooseburger. Ça aurait été mieux si tu avais bu un peu plus de cidre. As I've said, it would have gone better if you had drunk a bit more cider. Cette cidre n'est pas merveilleuse seulement à cause de son goût (brasser chez mon beau-frère, eh?) mais aussi car elle tue toutes les petites bactéries méchantes. That cider isn't marvelous just because of its flavor (distilled in my brother-in-law's basement, eh?) but also because it kills all those nasty little bacteria on the spot! Alors, je comprends que tu n'as pas envie de boire quelque-chose chaude l'accident avec la crosse de hockey. Well, I guess I can understand that you didn't want to drink anything hot right after the accident with the hockey stick. Ha! Je crois que tu peut devenir une joueuse de hockey formidable, tu as repris connaissance si vite que tu as stupefié les médecins! Ha! I think you could become a fantastic hockey player, you regained consciousness so quickly that you shocked the doctors! And now you've got the teeth for a hockey player too. You're good and tough, my stick may never be the same!
Mais j'ai parlé trop de toi, et tu as dit que je dois t'oublier. But I am talking too much about you, and you told me to forget about you. Alors, je suis très heuruex de partir à Rome bientôt. So anyway, I am really happy to be leaving soon for Rome. Ça me plaît bien. It makes me really happy. Oui, c'est genial. Yup, it's really nice. Alors, um... So... um... Tu es sûre de ne pas m'aimer? You're sure you don't love me?

Dominique.


p.s. I don't intend this as a slam on Canadians. If you view it as such and it makes you feel better, make him a Minnesotan and name him John.