Heaven is in Heaven, not on Earth

There is a young guy who lives and works downstairs in my apartment building. Since shortly after I met him he has been asking if I will take him back to America with me. Trying to be culturally appropriate, I have been using creative ways to not get his hopes up. I am not allowed to say "no" because that would be an insult to him. Normally our conversations go something like this:

M: So you and me, we are going to America together some day.

Me: Yup, and we'll go visit Obama.

M: It'll be great, you and me together in America

Me: Yeah, I bet Obama will take us up in his airplane.

In my mind, this is silly enough to indicate that I'm not actually agreeing with him. But who knows, maybe he thinks that I actually do know Obama. Between his limited French and my extremely limited capability in the trade language we each understand about half of what the other says. Once when he asked if I would take him along I said "Sure, but you'll have to lose some weight so you can fit in my suitcase." His friend who overheard me thought it was hilarious. M didn't get it.

Today as I was heading out the door M stopped me and, after the obligatory greetings, asked again if I would take him to America. I laughed, as usual, and gave the usual "of course." And then, for the first time, he asked me, "Is it sure?" In other words, "Are you serious?"

That bothered me quite a bit because I hadn't realized that there was ambiguity. I knew that, even in this very important moment of clarification, I still probably could not say "no" outright. So here's how the conversation continued:

M: Is it sure?

Me: Nothing is sure but the love of God.

M: What?

Me: Nothing is certain. Who knows, we could both die tonight.

M either didn't understand what I was trying to say or didn't want to accept it.

M: When are you going back to America?

Me: I don't know yet.

M: Why don't you go back more often?

Me: It's expensive.

M: If I gave you 5000 [app. $12], would that help you go back sooner?

I thought, "Oh no, this guy has absolutely no clue what he is asking for."

Me: Thank you very much, that is very generous of you. But it's a lot more expensive than that.

M: How much did it cost you to come here?

Me: $600

M: Wow, that's too much.

Me: Yeah, that's why I don't go to America often.

M: Do you think I could get a job in America?

Me: Hmm... I think you probably could if you learned to speak English.

M's face fell. This wasn't the first time I had told him this.

M: English, huh?

Me: Yup, you could maybe get away with Spanish in some places [he doesn't speak that either] but for most of America it's English only.

M: But I could live with you while I work in America?

Me: I don't have a place in America.

M: You don't?

Me: Nope. I live here. My address is here. My phone number is here. I don't have a place in America.

M: But your parents?

"Oh great," I thought, "what do I say about them?"

Me: Well, they live in a really small town. It would be hard to find work there. You would probably need to go to a major city to find work.

M: Is it easy to find work?

Me: It's hard everywhere. Life is hard everywhere. No matter where you are, you need to work hard. Frankly, I think you are better off staying here.

M: I want to go to America and make a bunch of money so I can bring it back.

I had no clue what to say and at this point our trains of thought parted entirely, the conversation came to a fairly abrupt close, and I went on my way. It was amazing to me how little he seems to understand about much of anything outside this country. Not only does he have no concept of how difficult is to move across continents (I have never even mentioned Visas yet), he has a rosy view of life in the US. I have found that the people in the villages often have the same view of the capital city. They get to the capital city and realize that in most ways life was actually a lot better in the village, but instead of going back to the village they set their sights on Europe or the US. That becomes the next promised land flowing with milk and honey, free for the taking to anybody who can find a plane ticket to get there and a friend who will host them for a year or two while they rake in the cash.

 Or perhaps they have hopes of settling in permanently, making a new start. That dream is as old as America itself, and if it is backed by determination and a solid work ethic it can actually pay off- but the price is still high. A new life in America means that you have to give up all that you had back home. You need to hope that what you gain in America is worth it. I don't think any of them realize what they are giving up when they leave and I doubt that many of them are content with the trade when all is said and done. The cultures are entirely different. It is sometimes difficult for me to be comfortable here but I have to believe that it is three times more agonizing making the culture switch in the opposite direction. How can someone who has lived every moment of life in close community cope with American individualism and isolation? It would almost feel like death.

Unfortunately I think the language barrier will prevent me from ever expressing all of this to M, and even if I did he wouldn't believe me. We'll see what happens next time we chat.