Lonely

I have to confess, it is hard being in a wedding when I am single. While I was actually with the love birds I was busy enough to not think much about myself, but since getting back I have been feeling a little lonely. This morning I woke up and, after saying my normal good morning to God, thought about how nice it would be to wake up to a wife. And then I thought, "I wonder what it would be like to wake up without Jesus?" For half a second I imagined what it would be like if Jesus didn't exist. I should have waited until I was more awake, because I half believed it, and it terrified me. My loneliness skyrocketed, and I was hit by a terror and depression that I have not felt since I recovered from my nervous breakdown or panic attack or whatever it was 5 years ago. Fortunately I snapped out of it in less than a second. But it made me realize just how much my life and my being is tied up in God. That's good. I want it that way. I'm sure many people would think me weak because of this. Let them think that. If my weakness is dependence upon the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe, I don't think it a loss.