During my freshman year of college I came to a full understanding of the concept that my life was not about me. I have believed in God for years, and I have believed that God had some vague interest in me, but it suddenly occurred to me that if, indeed, there was a God, and if, indeed, He cared even a tiny bit what I did, then ultimately my happiness and desires and ambitions didn't matter. He is so much more important than me that all that really matters is figuring out what He wants me to do, and faithfully doing it. You would think that this revelation would have been unbearably depressing, but it has been exactly the opposite. I no longer have to worry about how I feel. I no longer have to worry what people think of me. As long as I am pleasing God, their opinions don't matter. I still listen to people. I still value their input, but if they wrongly criticize me I just forward the message to God, since the accusation is against Him anyway. And I have found that, happily enough, God actually wants what is best for me. By following His will I not only have a higher purpose, but I also have more fulfillment, and with it, pleasure.
I don't have to waste my time and energy looking for the next greatest temporary thrill. I have a higher purpose. I don't have to obsess over who is my best friend or wonder who cares about me. I already know. Jesus is my best friend.
Jesus loves you too.
Jesus is not a painting. Jesus is not a wooden figure in a church.
Jesus formed you in your mother.
He watched your birth with a huge smile on his face.
He has cried when you got hurt, he is furious every time someone abuses you. When you laugh, He laughs along.
You do a lot of things that make Him sad. Rather than hate you for them, He decided to take the blame and died for you in the worst torture the Romans ever invented. He came back to life, and now He wants to be your closest friend. All He asks is that you surrender yourself to Him, which makes a lot of sense, seeing as how he made you in the first place.
p.s. Why do I think this will help? I will use a short story to illustrate where I am coming from. I was tempted to become anorexic. It bugged me for a day or two, and it had a solid hold on my mind. Then I remembered that God made me the way I am for His glory, not mine. If He made me that way, then it is good for me, even if I don't think myself perfect all the time. Bang. It was gone. Completely disarmed. I had already wasted hours trying to talk myself out of it, slapping myself with logic, trying to deny that it was in my head. I could tell that none of it was working. But when I realized that the whole thing was based on a faulty premise- that my feelings about physical appearance were more important than stewardship of the body God gave me- the whole thing crumbled. Your description of finding ways to make yourself happy are similar. Happiness is a fleeting thing. It is dependent on your mood and can be heavily influenced by others. Instead, seek joy. Joy is found in a right relationship with God and it transcends your circumstances.
This is the picture that originally puzzled us. In the foreground is the eagle, in the middle ground is my mom walking on our hill, and it looks like a barn is sitting just on the other side of the hill- just below where our garden actually is.
This picture helps to show that the barn is actually much farther away. Too bad it is so blurry. The Winters' barn is probably a half mile farther from the camera than our place, so it is amazing that it could look so large in the first picture.
Click on the picture to see the full size image, and look at the far right edge.
