There I sat, eating my breakfast, and sweating. Sweating is standard practice here. I wake up sweaty, and I continue to sweat more or less constantly until I go to bed. But habit doesn't make a thing more pleasant, only more bearable.
So when I read, on the side of our generic grape juice carton, "Shake before opening and serve some cold," well, that got me pretty excited. All I had to do was shake this carton and coldness would come out? Fantastic! Why hadn't anybody invented this sooner?
My wife opened it, and no coldness came out. Just grape juice.
So we scoured the packaging to see what else was printed on this pack of lies. That's when we discovered where we had gone wrong. Looking at the front of the carton, we discovered a picture of purplish-red balls and the label "suggested presentation."
Aha! Clearly this was the key to unlocking the inner coldness of our morning drink. You had to get the grape juice into these purple balls before you drank it. They looked a lot like grapes, which I guess made sense. If you want a more authentic grape experience from a carton of grape juice, you should definitely pour the juice into magically cool grape-shaped balls before drinking it.
But where to find these balls? The next panel of the carton held the answer: "For all suggestions, please contact us and indicate the name of the product..." Apparently in order to follow the presentation suggestion, you first had to call their hotline.
Unfortunately it was an international number, so we can't afford it. I guess we'll just keep drinking our grape juice warm.
